limitations

(yeah I know I promised a real post a coupla weeks ago…life-aka work-got in the way…when it rains it pours!)

So I know an assessment about this is long (maybe 3 months?) overdue, but there are those who were wondering my reaction to the new and improved BQ standards.  (I’ll refrain from recapping it as I know it’s been all over the place and besides all you can do to see the deets is click that link!)

In terms of the standards, I know something had to be done so I totally accept they are what they are and honestly, could have been a helluva lot worse.  My only issue with 2012 is the early registration-i.e., September vs. October.  I guess I was sorta hoping for a chance at it with an early October marathon…but I guess this was done to make sure that no fall marathon had an advantage over the other (meaning later fall marathons like Philly previously getting screwed.)  So all in all-my fate for 2012 is out of my hands.  All I can do is cross my fingers and hope for the best, that at the end of the day, BQ-2:53 will make it in.

So any work done will be towards 2013 and beyond.  And now, just as the BAA giveth me 5 minutes, they have been taketh away 🙂  And then some.  So the 3:40 that I had been chasing for years is still the carrot, and possibly an extra 5-10 minutes on top of that (will have to see how things net out with the 2012 rolling registration.) 

Now.  My issue is not so much with the standard changes.  But moreso with reactions from others that “it’s so easy, anyone can do it, all you have to do is run faster.”  Or that I need to “just get out there and run a 3:40” like it’s totally second nature.  I feel those kinds of comments are insulting-not just to those who haven’t gotten there after lots of hard work, but those who did get there and it wasn’t “so easy” for them.

Do I want it?  Hells yeah.  Can I?  I don’t know.  As I learned the hard way in 2009-that the human body has limitations.

(Sorry to those who are tired of hearing this story, but obviously I have to repeat it as too many people can’t be bothered to read beyond the front page without judging me…)

So I deemed my fall marathon in 2009 (MCM) to be the one where I’d get my 3:40.  I trained hard.  And it was paying off.  To the point where 3:40 was not only realistic, but setting the bar too low.  I wasn’t gonna go for anything crazy like 3:30, but it was good to know there just may have been a buffer if need be.  Then IT band issues hit during the taper.  My body had had enough and even reduced mileage and physical therapy didn’t nip the problem in the bud.  I did give it a shot on race day, but the ITB gave out during mile 21-to the point where I couldn’t walk, or even bend my leg without being in excruciating pain.

So I recovered and planned to try again last year in Chicago.  But I always felt I had to hold back just a little bit in training in order to prevent an ITB relapse.  Even though I was happy on race day, and a few days after, now…I have mixed feelings about my Chicago result.  I missed the 3:40, though I did earn a PR and an “old lady” (aka 35-39) BQ and finished, injury-free.

And I’m gonna try again this fall.  Like I said-the issue is not that I don’t want it enough.  Believe me I do.  But it’s going to be tricky, trying to improve while having to work with my body’s limitations.  I think 2009 shows that I’m willing to put in the work.  It’s just up to my body to be able to hold up through 4 months of training-and I feel that, more than anything, is really the unknown factor at this point.

That said-I do hope things work out, and I do hope I get there, be it 2012 or 2013.  I actually went up to Boston to spectate this year’s marathon (another post to come on that) and had a great time.  Just something I’d love to be part of…someday!

it had me in stitches

So…another year, another Flyers Awards Gala.  And unlike what others say, I do not consider this to be like a prom.  Let’s see…the prom, you have pressure to find a date.  And if you don’t have a date you don’t attend the event.  (That was me back in the day.)  This party…not so much!!  Plenty of peeps were there stag.  If anything, I think with all the glamour and fashion that graced the Midtown Loft, that this is more like one of those red-carpet awards shows…Oscars, Grammys, Golden Globes, MTV Awards, etc. (except thankfully, no Kanye West moments!) than a silly high school dance 😛

runner26, DD and me-triple trouble strikes again! 🙂

So anyway…I arrived “fashionably late” (less than a half hour after the real start time) to find the place already packed…well not a surprise, considering this event actually sold out this year!!  So I mingled with Flyers old and new (and tried to avoid a certain one who I have no idea why he even renewed his team membership-though is a good candidate for the “least likely to take a hint” award) and sipped some Cosmopolitans.  However-I did not partake in the food though in favor of mingling…but partially because I was a little bit wary of the food after the issue with the “Flyer Flu” last year (a crazy amount of Flyers got the flu after last year’s awards gala, and the food was one of the suspects)…but also I didn’t have the patience for the ridiculously long line.  And I did make sure to eat beforehand in anticipation…but as it turned out, that may have been an error on my part…

dancin'!

OK so time for the awards, which pretty much went off without a hitch.  All awards recipients were happy, those who we really had to keep the secret from (because they were involved in one of the awards committees somehow even though they were gonna receive awards) were truly surprised…and the crowning jewel of the evening was Crazy Bandanahead winning Flyer of the Year!!  (see his acceptance speech!)  Congrats Bandana-brain…well-deserved!!  Can’t believe it was only…4 years ago when we first met at the Chelsea Piers track meet…now you’re all grown up!!  my how time flies…

And time for my favorite part of the night…dancing!!  The DJ once again did good with the song selection and of course I had to request “I Gotta Feeling” which we were all just screaming along to while dancing…I think that song just may be the “SexyBack” of the 2010’s! 🙂  So anyways, the final 2 hours of the night flew by and before we knew it, was the “Last Dance”…

…but we had to keep the party going, and talk after-party, right?  So I approached the mike to make the announcement…and stupid me tripped and fell.  I know it was partially because I had too many Cosmos in me…but the floor was also slippery from everyone spilling drinks (apparently I wasn’t the only one who slipped during the course of the evening)…and I didn’t know it til later, but one of the tips of my heels was broken…but anyway, long story short, when I fell I got cut over by my right eyebrow and it wouldn’t stop bleeding…which led to a trip to the ER to get stitched up (thanks to my saviors for being with me…you know who you are 😉  I owe you both big time!)  So definitely not how anyone wanted the night to end…but could have been a lot worse.  (Note to self-in the future, do not be an idiot at open bar events.  And do eat something!  There, I’m putting it here to hold myself accountable.)

With the exception of the “mini-stitches” by my eyebrow, I’m fine now though (I think I had more headaches this week from work than the actual impact)…running did have to take a backseat this week…was a little nervous about running in the dark, or even on the treadmill too (knowing how graceful I am and that I’d likely trip) and just wanted to heal up.  (Still planning on running Sunday morning though, who knows how that is gonna go!!)

But despite the ending-the party was great…everyone involved did a fabulous job, as usual!!  Til next year…

the “green team”

Guess there’s more than one green team in my life, so to say?  Let’s see, there is the “enviromnentally friendly/socially responsible” group which was formerly known as the green team and was the target of lotsa mocking from the office smartazzes, including one mock-founding the “brown team.”  Mind you, with the amount of paper our side of the office uses, we could not be less environmentally friendly if we tried…

(oh and on the topic of work, yep everyone kept their pants on last week, though I think the entire office wore jeans on Friday just because they could 🙂 )

And of course, there is the J-E-T-S, who have stayed alive long after many peeps had written them and their 2009 season off.  Same bar as the previous week to watch the game, same beer consumption, thankfully same results too.  I’m not commenting yet about what could be next week…don’t wanna jinx it!!

Could it be, that the Jets are actually doing better than I am?  Yeah I guess so.  The road to recovery is still friggin slow, and I’m getting more and more sick of having to run solo.  If there is anything I have learned in the last few months, its that if you’re injured, there is no place for you in the NYC running scene…everyone’s doing their double-digit mileage runs and training for marathons while I have to make do with 5 miles max at a time.  May do a short NYRR race in February just so I can feel human again (and because I don’t want to make the mistake I made last year and not get in 9 races.)  But besides that, I’m still not sure where to go from there, I feel like I have no motivation.  And I know what everyone is going to say, and no I do not want to train for and run a spring marathon.  Just not feeling it, and there wouldn’t be enough time anyway.  I know I need to be patient, but as someone who is craving companionship right now, the patience is slowly wearing thin…

And I guess I also have to apologize I don’t have more to write about…unfortunately injury recovery does not lead to exciting blog posts!

it knocks you down

Blame the weather.  Lately just been feeling knocked out, knocked down…thankfully not knocked up 😛  Or maybe it’s a bit of the holiday blues too.  I don’t know.  (And on that note, why does “blue” have to be associated with being sad?  Blue is a pretty color…my favorite color!!  The color of the sky!  The color of this blog!)

Well to catch up a little, I started with my new PT last week…thankfully this one is much more knowledgable than my previous one. (treats/has treated a lot of runners.)  This one pinpointed a lot of hip and core weakness…which is the bulk of what I am going to need to work on for now.  Thankfully, running is not on the banned list for now-but I gotta keep the distances relatively short (e.g., no double-digit runs) and make that the secondary focus.  I even asked if running a half in May would be possible and she actually thought March would be possible (though I still think March is too soon.)  So maybe there is a light at the end of this tunnel…I guess as long as I am a good little girl…

But I think what has me down is the “right now.”  It’s just so damn frustrating not being able to really run.  I mean yeah, I can do a few miles here and there…but I can’t do anything social.  No long runs, fun runs, group runs…and it’s got me feeling a bit lonely.  I even feel bad that I can’t even help out my own team since I don’t know when I’m going to be able to comfortably run the 6-mile loop on a regular basis.  But seriously…does everything social have to revolve around actually running?

Then…I think this weekend’s snowstorm was the last straw.  I’ve said it plenty of times before, I am not a winter person at all.  As much as heat, humidity and I don’t mix, I just find summer, the warmer temps, the longer days to be a saving grace.  Snow days just lost their novelty once I joined the working world and had to deal with “adult” responsibilities like a full-time job.  Can’t play in the snow, I’ll get sick and well, I can’t afford to get sick and miss work.  Not to mention how the subways cease to function when one snowflake falls.  And I don’t even want to hear that Central Park is a “winter wonderland” and that running there in the snow is “magical.”  When you’re really dependent on the reservoir being runnable and every snowstorm seems to knock it out of commission for weeks…you get what I’m saying.  (Not to mention the “resolution” peeps who will crowd the gym come January, meaning I’d be lucky to get any treadmill time.)

Which makes me wonder if it is time to make 2010 my escape from NYC.  I’ve said before I’m really not sure this city can actually be my home…I’ve given it 10-plus years.  And maybe this is something I should have done a long time ago.  I mean, just because this area is where my parents chose to make their home, does that mean the same has to go for me?  I’m not my parents.  I’m not a winter person, the job situation isn’t great here, and the dating scene is even worse.  So maybe a change in scenery and climate is what I need to really find a “home.”  Something to think about in the new year…

same script, different cast

So probably the most strenous workout I got this long weekend was dodging the masses at Penn Station on Thursday morning-I had never seen it be such a zoo!!  I couldn’t even buy my train ticket, the lines were so long-thankfully they weren’t checking on the train out of Penn and I was able to get my tix in Secaucus 🙂  But made it to NJ and ate more than I had any right to with my limited running these days 😛  Oh yeah, and I guess I was able to work some of that off by braving the holiday shopping crowds-made sure to pick up plenty of lumps of coal for those who deserve it 😛

And ok…guess I was able to do a little running.  30 minutes on the dreadmill on Friday, actually felt fine…almost like I didn’t even have a (sh)IT band.  And ran the rez last nite, but the (sh)IT band was talking to me by the end of the run.  Wasn’t screaming, but wasn’t being quiet either.

So saw sports doc #1 today and told him the whole MCM chronicles, the deal with PT, etc.  Did a little more examination and noted there is still a little something going on at the knee, examined my gait…so long story short-plan of action right now is new orthotics (which may set me back but like I said, it’s an investment in my running future-orthotics are essential for me, they saved my running life!  and hey, my parents wanted to know what I want for Hanukkah 😛 ) since the ones I currently have are pretty old, and may not control the pronation in my right leg enough (which is part of whats buggering the (sh)IT band)  And got another prescription for PT…so basically “same script, different cast” refers to that, as now I can switch physical therapists!!  (And when I told the doc where I was going for PT, he did say that they weren’t particularly known to really know runners.  Oh if only I knew it before…)

So unlike my appointment with the other doctor-I at least walked out knowing that there is a plan of action.  And actually, the topic of a cortizone shot did come up but I said only as a last resort (remembering when I got one for plantar fasciitis, and it didn’t work and only made that injury worse!)  The doc commented that it was very unlike most runners, as they just want to get healed and get back on the roads right away.  (Well hasn’t it been established that I’m not like most runners? 😛 )  But what I said was at this point-the marathon is over and long gone, and at this point I’m not really looking for a quick fix as much as a long-term game plan so I can kick this thing for good!!  After all, I do want to try again for 26.2 next fall…and me and a coupla teammates are already discussing a certain one 😉

coulda woulda shoulda

Well to start this off on a positive note-I ran a whopping 7 miles last week.  I used to be able to run that distance on one given day, but who’s counting.  Part of that included 2 loops of the reservoir which surprisingly weren’t as slow as I thought they would be-and I wasn’t pushing the pace, it felt comfortable.  The heart rate was a little bit elevated though, which pretty much illustrates how out of shape I am.  The (sh)IT band didn’t feel too too bad afterwards…could tell something was still there, but thankfully no pain…of course I made sure to stretch well before/after and ice it down afterwards.  So maybe this distance (not every day of course) I should stick with for now.  But I still feel it’s gonna be a long, lonely road ahead…since seemingly everyone and their mother is training for a spring marathon.  But as I said before, at this point I’m just biding my time til November 30th.  In the meantime, you can bet that when I go home to NJ for the holiday weekend, I will be bringing my quadballer, stretching rope and ice pack with me…

So this past weekend, a bunch of my teammates went to Philly to run either the marathon or the half, and as far as I know, all of them ran really well…lotsa PRs or close to it-congrats!  (yeah that includes some fellow bloggers, I’ll let them tell their stories and won’t spoil it 😉 )  And of course, it had me playing the “coulda shoulda woulda” game.  Because as you may remember, when I was trying to choose my fall marathon, Philly was #2 on my list.  Should I have gone with that instead of Marine Corps-knowing that I have run well in Philly for the half and 10-mile distances before?  Maybe I would have had more time for the (sh)IT band to heal or maybe the circumstances would be different where I would not have gotten injured?  Either way-I wasn’t getting to Boston in 2010, it just wasn’t in the cards.  But I really don’t want to end my 2009 racing year on a bad note-I really don’t want my last memory of racing in 2009 to be walking on the 14th Street Bridge in pain.  Even if I recovered in time to do a short race in late December…I don’t think there even are any!  (on a side note, I’m bummed to be missing the Kleinerman 10K-I have done that race every single year since I started running!!  Oh well, guess there’s still the Mini 10K…which also falls into that category.)

And yeah, short…or shorter…races.  I have wondered what my future as a marathoner is, as this is the 2nd time I have been injured during a training cycle (yeah, I had my plantar fasciitis before I started training for NYCM 2005 which I didn’t run anyway…but I guess that still counts.)   Do I really want to be on the DL constantly…no.  I do feel the half-marathon is actually my strongest distance, and I wonder what that 1:37 in the PDR could have been had I really tapered, if my training was more geared towards the half-marathon distance.  Providing I kick this (sh)IT band thing in time (knock on wood) I am targetting a half in early May to hopefully find that out.  But I don’t feel like I’d be content sticking with the half…I feel the half-marathon distance does not get the respect it deserves.  From comments that marathoners are “real runners” as opposed to ones who opt for the half (ahem, Lam) to others that the marathon is the “gold standard” and that training for a half-marathon is “not a lot of work.”  There’s training schedules and tips up the wazoo for running the marathon, but not much out there for a half-marathon (yeah, i’ve been trying to do my research.)  Hell while I’m at it, as I mentioned in this post last year-I feel there are a lot of distances that don’t get enough respect.  I’m just as impressed (hypothetically speaking, of course) with the person who had been working hard to break 18 minutes for 5K and finally did it…as I am with the person who had been working hard to break 4 hours in the marathon and finally did it 😉  It’s the journey, not the destination…or something like that.  (And before anyone says it, yes that thinking can be and I guess should be applied to my training for MCM too 😛 )  Or a Flyer memory that stands out in my mind was a coupla years back when we had a track meet at Chelsea Piers, and one of our girls was dying to run the mile and see how fast she can run it.  And run it well she did, came in under 9 minutes, exceeded her goals and was absolutely thrilled.  Don’t know why, but her reaction to racing the mile really sticks with me.

And what if, for whatever reason, someone *can’t* run long distances because their bodies don’t let them (e.g., being too injury-prone).  Does that mean that their goal distances should not be respected because they have no choice but to race short distances?  Or those who need extra recovery time from the marathon distance and can’t run another marathon a week or 2 later…or heck, can’t even run a half a week or 2 later.  I think I fall into that category-I feel compared to my other teammates, I am unusually slow when it comes to recovery…last year I didn’t race til a month after NYCM and it was relatively short (10K), and I felt that-the race distance and the recovery period-was perfect.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this.  But I guess…can we not treat the half-marathon like it’s the marathon’s poor stepbrother/stepsister?  (and same with the mile, 5k, 10k, etc…whatever else I missed!)  I’ve done the marathon, I have no desire to one-up that and go any further in terms of distance…and like I said, sometimes I wonder what could be if I moved down in distance and concentrated on that.  Which maybe I will do…once I get this damn BQ monkey off my back!! :(|)  (which is a whole other story in itself…)

the next move is yours

Maybe “the next step is yours” or “the next run is yours” would have been more appropriate but I just felt like using another episode title from The Hills.  I just love how K-Cav got asked on last nite’s epsiode why she doesn’t go after any guys besides Brody and Justin Bobby.  Uh…maybe because they are seemingly the only 2 single guys in LA?  And Heidi and Spencer seriously deserve the title of “Dumb and Dumber”…yeah brilliant plan Heidi-Ho, to “surprise” Spencer by going off the pill and trying to get pregnant to spite him.  They truly deserve each other.  And after last nite’s episode of The City I feel like I need to slap some sense into Whitney, didn’t she learn her lesson in Miami that hanging with Roxy is career suicide?  And am I the only one who’s on Team Erin and thinks someone needs to put Olivia in her place?  And as for the third show on Triple Tuesday, reality-style, Dancing With the Stars…Joanna and Derek (not Jeter or Rose, hehe) wuz robbed!!  Alright, enough reality TV talk for now…

So the recovery progresses.  3 days in a row of yoga and weights…maybe make it 4 tomorrow?  Leg presses, leg curls and the hip adductor (sp?) machine have become a regular part of the routine.  Doing my PT homework daily.  Hope this will all pay off in the long run (ha ha).  And oh yeah-I actually did 15 minutes on the dreadmill on Monday!  This is where I get annoyed at my physical therapist.  So I see her Monday morning and she asks me if doing spinning has still aggrevated the knee…uh you told me not to do it!  I said I wouldn’t try spinning or running until given the OK…I’m trying to be a good little girl here!  And I actually got the OK to try to “run a few miles” but of course I know better than to do a few miles now.  But I really wanted to see where I was at in terms of recovery, so i figure the dreadmill was safe, in case I needed to stop before 15 minutes were up.  And thankfully I didn’t…there was some improvement, but not really 100%…still don’t feel like I’m out of the woods just yet.  But no lingering pain yesterday or today.  So if 15 minutes every coupla days is what’s gonna keep my sanity during this recovery period…I’ll take it.

But really, right now I’m kinda biding my time til November 30th, when I have my follow up appointment with doctor #1 and if he gives me another prescription for more PT, I do intend to switch.  It’s just really frustrating to not really feel like I have a game plan for recovery and for building back up…this is why I’d prefer to see one who is more familiar with runners.  But this is nothing that I haven’t already talked about before!  So we wait…

"on to the next"

And this latest post title has been brought to you by the latest episode of The Hills.  Is it me, or has this episode finally brought back the show we all hate to love, or love to hate?  How staged was K-Cav and Jayde’s catfight…I know there is only one club in LA and of course they will run into each other, especially when Kristin is with Brody, but still!  And I thought Audrina and Lo would “never be friends”…and now they are BFF’s?  And WHY, for the good of all humankind, could Spencer have just gone through with getting neutered??? 🙂

I guess that title is just appropriate for lots going on lately.  Of course, the running stuff, but I’ll get to that later.  Earlier this week, I had to let go of a wonderful guy who has been very near and dear to me for the last few months-well this was kind of a mutual “letting go.”  (And he has never gotten a blog mention before…well at least not in the context of dating, so you know I was really into him and that it was going well! 😉 )  My heart said “stay” but my head knew what was the right thing to do, if we wanted to salvage any kind of a friendship…which I am optimistic about.  But it’s tough all the same-we really shared a lot…between running and outside of running.  He’d be the first person I’d call/text when something good happened…or even when something bad happened and I needed consoling, or just someone to talk to.  Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t overdependent, but there is that comfort in knowing someone is there.  Luckily, it did end on a good note and we are still speaking and not arguing…so I am hopeful! 🙂  So in this case “on to the next” is not so much the next guy, but more the next phase of our relationship…never know where it can take me/us.  And some of you…and you know who you are 😉 …this does not give you free reign to immediately fix me up with your coworker/cousin/neighbor/random acquaintance/doorman/etc. 😉  Just need time right now…and as Natasha Bedingfield says in her song “Single”-I can’t “romance on demand!”  (On that topic, has anyone ever checked out the lyrics to that song, and then to Natasha’s song “Soulmate”?  Talk about one singer having opposing points of view!  The latter is a beautiful song, but I swear I can’t listen to it without getting teary-eyed!)

And as for the running thing, I swear I really am trying to move “on to the next” as well!  Whatever that may be.  As I said in my previous post-I do have 2 races next year that I am tentatively penciling in as goal races (yes, one is a marathon but it won’t be til the fall though.)  Little hesitant to post what they are now, so wait and see.  I have my follow-up appointment with doctor #1 at the end of this month, so I’ll see if there is any positive progress made.  One thing I do want to explore, which was mentioned before, is new orthotics…my current ones are 5 years old and I wouldn’t be surprised if that was one of the culprits.  Unfortunately, I have different medical insurance now and I don’t believe they will be covered, so it would be pricier this time around…but if it’s something that will save my running future (and my previous ones did!) it’s a worthwhile investment…especially stretched out over a few years.

And keeping with “on to the next”…I’m thinking I might like to switch physical therapists too.  My current one is nice, don’t get me wrong, but…I’m feeling like there should be more progress by now, and I’d love to find one who is more familiar with runners.  I don’t know if I can do that without another prescription for PT from the doctor, but if is indeed what he prescribes, that may be the way to go.  So NYC-area runners-if you have any recommendations for me, I’d be very grateful to hear them!!  Only prerequisite is that they must take insurance 🙂

So there you have it-I am honestly dwelling less on the past and trying to look ahead.  But I do still feel I need a little help getting there…more with game plans than anything else!!

i don’t wanna cry

This post title has been brought to you by some old-school Mariah Carey.  Yeah, the days of the “Best New Artist” Grammy, the days when she was banging Tommy Mottola…before she graduated to the likes of Derek Jeter (though doesnt he, to this day still deny it?) and Puff Daddy/Puffy/P. Diddy/whatever his name at the moment is…and of course, way, way before the career mistake known as “Glitter.”

Moving away from that for a second-no you’re not seeing things, the bloggy did get an Extreme Makeover over the weekend.  Yes since I’m not running, I have too much time on my hands, I know I know.  But also, my old-school template wouldn’t let me take advantage of any of the newer, cooler Blogger features & gadgets…and I guess after 3 years, was time for a change!!  Don’t like it?  Tough luck.  I’m keeping it.

So back to the title and what it has to do with everything?  Well the fact that I haven’t run a step since October 25th has something to do with it.  And if it were the winter OK maybe it wouldnt be so bad, but the fact that NYC has had 2 beautiful weather days in a row and I haven’t been able to enjoy it, have had to take it indoors.  And as I said before, I don’t mind cross-training too much, but I really have to enjoy it, and that took a hit when spinning was banned as the (sh)IT band didn’t seem to like it too much.  Yoga is fine and good, but the elliptical is just boring.  45 minutes on it yesterday and it felt like work!!  I really can’t believe how out of shape I’ve gotten in 2 weeks…not good 😦

But it’s just I have had other things in my life lately that have either brought me to tears, or close to it…matters of the heart (i may be biased, but I don’t think I know anybody more unlucky in love than myself)…changes a-coming at the office (i will still have a job, but…things are happening where communication is shit, no real game plans in place except just “winging it”, attitudes flying, the wrong people IMHO being on the receiving end of it…long story, aint going into it here)  Yeah, I know having a coupla grain alcohol margaritas at a cool Murray Hill Mexican establishment with a cool friend can help 😉 but I’ve learned after my infamous 9-day drinking streak that it’s (drinking, that is-not girl talk!) just a temporary escape.  I miss being able to lace up the Brooks or Asics and being able to hit Central Park for a few miles, listen to some cool music on the iPod, seeing everyone I know or not seeing anyone, but just being able to forget my troubles for a little bit…sans hangover 🙂  And I think it’s really getting me down, cross-training doesn’t seem to be cutting it in that department.

Or I’ve read other blog posts about post-marathon depression…I think I dealt with it back in 2006…going from a high of a great first marathon back to reality which was a total mess.  Last year I don’t think I dealt with it but it does seem to be making a return appearance this year-and I didn’t even finish my marathon!  I’ll reiterate what I said in my previous post-I have finally come to terms with the events of October 25th-for whatever reason that I can’t comprehend just yet, it wasn’t meant to be.  But I want to look ahead, I do have a couple of races in mind for next year, but I just need this damn (sh)IT band to heal-not just for that, but for my overall sanity as well…

Well as the post title says, I don’t wanna cry, I want to be tough, I want to be strong, but sometimes there is only so much I can take.  And before anyone says it, I am aware things can be a lot worse.  But I just want to see that light at the end of the injury tunnel and all I see is dimness and uncertainity.  I don’t know what these next few weeks are gonna bring.  But I do hope that my next post title can sing a happier tune.

second opinions suck

So where did I leave off…oh yeah…streak of drinking 9 nights in a row…not proud of.  Said streak stopped at 9 as I decided to give myself the night off on Tuesday, but was started back up again Wednesday between my company’s “Oktoberfest” celebration and heading out to a UWS bar literally within stumbling distance-not that I needed to stumble-to watch Game 6 of the World Series with Flyers YP and AH.  However, I was actually home sweet home when the actual winning moment happened-though on the phone with a certain special Yankee fan to sorta “celebrate” together 😉  And anyway, this latest drinking streak only lasted a day.  And no, I didn’t go to the parade downtown…way too much stuff to do here (i know, i know, why am I blogging then?) plus I had a feeling it would just be chaotic.  Case in point-when taking the 3 train to work this AM, a bunch of chicks dressed in Yankee gear were “pre-gaming” on the subway, drinking beer out of those clear plastic cups that you get iced coffee in…come on, how stupid can you be?  If you’re gonna drink from plastic cups, make sure they are not see through!!  I’ve had wine in Central Park enough times to know the drill 😉

So in effort to keep things sorta on topic, maybe I should explain the title.  I went to a different doctor yesterday to get a second opinion as to what was going on.  And in less than 5 minutes, was diagnosed as “classic (sh)IT band syndrome.”  Though it was good to hear the truth, I really didn’t feel like I was leaving with a real plan of action.  Yeah, I know its an overuse injury, yeah I know “our bodies are not meant to run 26 miles.”  Tell me something I don’t know.  I know it sounds crazy, but I had X-rays done and nothing was broken…I almost wish that was what it was-at least you know bones do heal in due time.  This thing…not so much!!  (Same deal when I had plantar fasciitis a few years back).  So I was sent home with a prescription for prescription-strength Motrin and advice to keep with the PT.

And I had been…doing the exercises daily, and even being able to add more weight/resistance to some of them.  Icing, rolling the shit out of the (sh)IT band, etc.  But the problem was I really didn’t know where I was at…I didn’t know how I was progressing in terms of recovery.  Well the fact that a spinning class the other nite caused the knee to act up again told me not too well 😦  So I can’t do that-which I was really, really depending on to help keep my sanity in terms of this downtime-pretty much just relegated to elliptical, yoga and weights.  Which I guess is OK and well, but what I’m more concerned with is that really does not have the same calorie-burning effect that a 40-mile week of running does and I’m really worried about putting on weight during this downtime.  I’m sorry, I don’t like myself when I’m too fat…I just don’t!!  (especially when I have a dress for the Flyers awards gala I need to still be able to fit into in less than 3 months)  Plus with the holidays coming up and feeling like I have to avoid everything…not thrilled about that.

But enough of that-I guess now that I’m finally over what happened on October 25th-I feel like I have no direction in terms of getting better.  Doctor #1 says its more a hip flexor problem than an ITB problem.  Doctor #2 says its strictly the ITB.  The PT says I need to be targeting both in terms of recovery.  I don’t know *what* to believe!  How do I kick this thing?   Is there anything more that I can be doing that I’m not doing?

i’ve had a little bit too much

Red wine?  Not so much, I only consumed that on Thursday nite at the Flyers pasta party.  Nope, my current still-hungover state was caused by quite a few pints of Blue Moon and Sam Adams Cherry Wheat last nite at the NYF post-marathon party…oh and barely eating anything yesterday too.  Talk about a liquid diet.  So yeah, I have a streak of 8 consecutive nights of alcohol consumption since last Sunday, and will go for a 9th tonite.  But you see, it’s not like I’m proud of this or anything, not to mention that I’d gladly give up alcohol if it meant that I could have a healthy right IT band.  I’m dead serious.

So the emotional rollercoaster just has not seemed to let up over the past week.  First off, thanks to all who commented on my last few posts…some made me smile, some made me almost cry again, some made me go “hmmmm”, etc.  I am very grateful to my teammates and other friends for the support they have given me over the last few days…at the pasta party, yesterday at the PowerGel station, at the post-party, the NYCM expo, nights out.  Whether it be hugs, consoling words, words of wisdom, retail therapy, tiara therapy, liquor therapy, baseball/World Series therapy.  (And of course there are one or 2 who will remain nameless who need to just leave me alone and let me make my own decisions in due time 😉 )  I thought all the NYF marathon events would be tough on me but they really weren’t.  The pasta party was great food as usual…and we even had Brian Sell as a guest speaker!!  How cool is that? 🙂  The PowerGel station was a good time watching the big dance, seeing teammates and other friends go by, seeing the elites, getting email updates with 5K splits on my CrackBerry, giving out gels (I’m telling you, those things were getting snatched up faster than beers at an open bar!) laughing and singing and dancing and being silly.  And of course the post-party…where let me say I’m glad I took a vacation day today, otherwise I’d be in a world of hurt.  My teammate JF who ran some long runs with me during training…anyway, yesterday she ran her first marathon and broke 4 hours and had a lot of nice words for me, thanking me for being an inspiration to her among other things…almost made me cry…or that could have been the 4 or 5 beers (or more?  lost count) making me emotional.

But along with the nice stuff comes the darker side.  And believe me, there is quite a bit of it.  I feel that 2009 is going to be remembered for what I *didn’t* do rather than what I did.  Yeah, I took down way-overdue 5K and 5-mile PRs and ran a 1:37 half, but in this marathon-obsessed world, no one is gonna remember that, all that’s going to be remembered is the marathon I didn’t finish.  And hearing other NYCM reports where people stuck it out and didn’t quit…I still really feel like a loser for DNFing my marathon.  Are there any circumstances where dropping out is OK?  And thinking about the Boston trip that I can’t take, the fun weekend with special peeps that I was envisioning and looking forward to won’t be happening, once again I will be spending that weekend drowning my sorrows in “I’m not running the Boston Marathon” drinks.  It didn’t have to be that way, all I had to do was qualify and I couldn’t do it.  This is one time where I curse being a young’un…if only I were 35, my 3:44 in NYCM 2008 would have gotten me there!!

I guess in a nutshell-one week later, I’ve still not come to terms with what happened on October 25th.  I’m still struggling with it.  I don’t have closure.  And I don’t know how long it’s going to take to get over…man, this may even take longer to get over than an ex-boyfriend!!  And even when I do…I think what else is bugging me is that I’m feeling a bit lost again.  This is a time where I really wish I had a coach because I really need help analyzing what went wrong.   Because I really felt like I was doing everything right-the increased mileage actually felt good, I didn’t race my training runs, “hard days hard, easy runs easy”, I made sure to get in at least one XT day a week-kinda using my 2008 training as a guide as that went really well.   And I guess I need to know how to prevent it from happening again, and even just want help with a game plan for building back up.  Thoughts…?

And even yesterday’s race had those ups and downs…the thrill of victory to the agony of de-feet ;-)…from Meb’s amazing victory, putting an American on top of the podium for the first time in god knows how long…to Paula’s attempt at 3-peat dashed in the late miles.  From PR’s and perfect races…to those where the end result may not have been what they hoped it would be, but still gave it their all and should be proud-I know I am!!  And it’s crazy how much me, as a spectator, teammate and friend feels invested in other people’s results…there was one that I was literally heartbroken to see that I almost cried when I saw it (though still an amazing time!!)  I guess because I know that feels all too well…when we know what we trained for and that we *can* run that time and something out of our control derails it…as we all know, the numbers don’t always tell the story.

OK I think that is enough emotion for one post.  Too much?  Maybe.  But as with my race report, I find writing about this is cathartic in a way (thanks LG!)…a place to channel my thoughts or something like that.  So if you are still reading, thank you 🙂

Signing off for now with again congrats to the NYCMers…hope those post-race drinks are flowing very well right now!!  And can’t forget-GO YANKS!!!  Will tonite lock up #27….?

the dust settles

Three days later…and I am still trying to process it all.  So many “what ifs” and “whys.”  In a way, I sorta feel like Carrie did in the Sex and the City movie after Big jilted her at the altar-though I was able to face the world a little sooner (guess there’s nothing that friends and beer can’t fix-thanks, AG 😉 )

But just so much going over everything in my head, my mind has been on overload.  Playing the events of Sunday over and over and just wondering what I could have done differently, if anything, or would the ending have been the same every time?  Should I not have started the race?  Maybe…but I still felt I owed it to myself to give it a try…the doctor gave me the green light, I was doing my PT “homework” diligently…just wasn’t enough I guess.

And I know this sounds dumb-but I am not even sure what to do with the race shirt.  What’s the etiquette on wearing a shirt from a race that you didn’t finish?  It’s really too nice a shirt to ditch.  FWIW, it wasn’t a “finisher” shirt-but a “competitor” shirt.  But people assumed you finished when you wear the shirt, no matter what…

Now for the “Now what?”  Immediate plan is recovery, PT and cross-training-I can do yoga without buggering the sh(IT) band, and the physical therapist gave me the green light to do spinning classes and elliptical.  So may not kill me to do that for a month, that was what I did when I had my calf injury last year.  I am getting a second opinion on the knee next week, so any future racing plans will be up in the air til I get that second opinion…

Yeah, racing plans.  I do intend to run another marathon-I feel like I have unfinished business with the distance.  And is it me, or are the odd years just not good for me when it comes to marathoning?  2005 I had plantar fasciitis and had to defer, 2007 I had my work hell and was just too out of shape and really couldn’t train…and you know how 2009 went 🙂  So yeah, I will try again, the question is when?  I thought the best bet would be to wait til next fall.  I’d love to run NYC again, but I don’t have 9 races and being a local, my chances with the lottery are slim to none.  I’m 36 seconds off from a half-marathon qualifying time so I can hope that maybe they’ll relax the standards by a minute, don’t think I can bust out a 1:37 or better in the near future.  And as I said before, considering I am all recovered by then, I’m strongly considering Chicago. 

But there are others who are telling me I should just try again in the next month or two if I really want to get to Boston for 2010.  And I’m just unsure about that, what if the same thing happens again?  Or am I just an unusually slow recover-er?  Thoughts?

More to come I’m sure…and in the meantime, GO YANKEES!!  Tonight begins the quest for #27.  And bring on the booze too 🙂

on the road again

Central Park and I are getting along just fine now. 🙂 I’ve worked my way up to the middle 4 and lower 5-the latter done today in 60+ degree weather…was quite nice to be running in mid-February wearing shorts and short-sleeves!! And saw 3 Flyers also taking advantage of a day off and nice weather running in the opposite direction.

No pain at all whatsoever-nice!! (Of course, I’ve been a good little girl and have stretched before and after.) Endurance-wise, my legs are feeling fine. The hills are another story, I think I may need to get myself re-hill trained. Pace for the effort still faster than before, which I’m still kinda sorta confused about, considering the last couple times I started running again after a hiatus. Right now, I’m taking it to mean that I was overtraining before, and maybe I do better with less mileage and more cross-training.

Unfortunately, this means I currently have no concept of pace, and what I should/shouldn’t be doing. I’ll use Saturday as a benchmark of sorts (not an all-out effort, just to see “where I’m at”)-I plan to use the Colon Cancer 4-miler next month as more of a race effort-the 15K is a club points race, but I don’t think I’d be up to that distance just yet. Plus I’ll just do my thing, then cheer on the rest of my teammates 🙂

I guess I sorta feel like my “old self” is back-but no getting cocky this time!! Train smarter, keep up the cross-training and stretching. Obviously I was doing something right this time…

takin’ it outside

So after a couple of weeks of building up on the dreadmill, I was ready for longer than I desire to handle on a dreadmill, and was dying to get outside, so yesterday I tackled 2 reservoir loops (or 3.1 miles total.) Thankfully, the weather was around 40ish and not rainy (despite previous warnings of torrential downpours)-even though I normally would wear capris, or possibly shorts-I chose to wear long tights since I felt it’d be better if my calves were “wrapped.” And I made sure to stretch well before and after the run, and even inbetween loops.

Based on the experience of my first run after my previous injury-I expected this to be a complete struggle. However, it did feel good-NO pain whatsoever!! :)-and imagine my surprise when I finished the first rez loop in 13 1/2 minutes. And the second loop in exactly the same time. And I wasnt trying to “tempo” or “race” this (well I do admit to picking it up slightly near the end-but not race pace.) But to be averaging 8:34’s, at the same effort that before the injury, would have given me 9:34’s? Yeah, I don’t understand it either. Or maybe it’s possible that I really was overtraining before and that I needed the running break. (I will admit-the main driver of my 30-mile weeks near the end of 2007 was vanity-little frustrated at having put on weight, wanted to counteract the evils of holiday eating, had awards gala dresses and other clothing items to fit into, etc…so I figured I needed some target to make sure I got out there and run!)

What does this mean? Well I am not gonna do anything crazy and run 10 miles next weekend 🙂 (more realistic-build up to middle 4, lower 5, full 6, etc…) And I am gonna make sure I slow down as well!! But at least all is not lost-and I did feel-just for a moment-like my old self was back.

So most likely, I will be at the Snowflake 4-miler-I did miss the deadline for early registration…so I do have time to definitely decide 🙂

Yay for the Grammys tonite…anyone else watching?? 🙂

And one more thing that I absolutely have to mention. I was walking down 14th Street yesterday after a visit to Trader Joes, heading for the M14 (dammit why did the L train have to be out of commission between Union Square and 8th Ave this weekend?) and some crazy guy throws a glove at my face and startles me and I scream. Well wouldn’t you know it, the culprit was indeed a crazy guy-Crazy Bandanahead. He got several bonks on the head with my umbrella for that :-p

time off for good behavior

So I was surprised last nite at my PT appointment, where she said that I really didn’t need to come back, that I have made good enough progress!! Surprised, since that was only my 4th visit, and the doc had prescribed 6 weeks, 2-3x a week. I just need to keep stretching and icing, which I can definitely do on my own. And I’ll probably visit the sports doc again to confirm that all is well with that leg…

Now, I just need a game plan for building back up. I do intend to incorporate more cross-training this time around-after all, if that was what contributing to this injury recovery progressing faster than expected, then I was obviously doing something right!! (In addition to other benefits-I can now do push-ups without needing to be on my knees for the first time in god knows how long…and a lot of tightness in my legs has gone away.)

I think I will celebrate with a 15-minute easy treadmill run at the gym later 🙂

baby steps

I ran today! For the first time in almost 3 weeks. OK, it was only 1.35 treadmill miles…not impressive, but at least it was something…

At my previous PT appointment this past Friday, it seemed there was progress made…the pain had significantly subsided and the muscle definitely felt much better when it was being massaged…looked like it was healing nicely. The physical therapist then had me try “running” on a trampoline for 2 minutes…and gave me another minute when i said it was still feeling fine. She told me that if there was no pain later that day or on Saturday, then I could try a short run.

So I did, today after a spinning class. Set the treadmill for 10 minutes at about 10m/m…after 3 minutes it felt fine, so bumped it up to 9:30…bumped it up to 9:00 for another 3, and 8:30 for the last minute…cooled down for 3 minutes at 10:00. And everything feels fine!!! yay…

Guess my XT routine for the last coupla weeks did the trick (spinning 3x week, yoga 3x week, PT 1-2x week)…that, plus the PT exercises I have to do daily (3 calf stretches 3x/day, 60 calf raises/day) helped rid some of that horrible tightness from my legs…I’ll still keep this up for the next coupla weeks but start adding in a loop of the rez here and there…

But-I would be lying if I said I wasn’t apprehensive about coming back to group runs. I do miss the social factor-but I’m afraid of getting myself back into the same vicious cycle i was in before…I’m too slow, I can’t hold on to the pace comfortably, so I either have to get “dropped” or try to speed up and risk re-injury.

one step at a time, i guess…

in non-running news, I hope this is the last blog post i write on this computer-as my new laptop should be arriving any day and this keyboard is driving me crazy!!!

they tried to make me go to rehab, but i said ‘no, no, no’…

(ok-not *that* type of rehab. but i just couldnt resist using that as a title.)

I had my first PT appointment yesterday, which honestly wasn’t too painful. Some deep tissue massaging of the calf-which did hurt meaning that even though the pain has really subsided, there is apparently still a bit of damage there…I just sucked up the pain as 1. I know it needs to be done to get this thing to heal and 2. I felt worse pain when I had Active Release done on my plantar faciitis (there were times that the pain was so bad, that the doc gave me a pillow to clutch onto at those times.) After that was some stretches (which I will need to do at home 3x a day), some foam roller action (which I should do at the gym), some ultrasound and icing. And I guess this will all be repeated in the weeks to come…

And the PT told me to just keep up with my cross training-which has been a mix of spinning, yoga, elliptical and upper body weights-as long as nothing aggrevates my calf. And honestly-right now the only sore part of my body is my arms…I think yoga definitely gives them a better workout than the weight machines do!! My first week on the running DL has passed by surprisingly fast…and even though the pain seems to have gone away, I don’t think I’d want to chance running just yet. I’m fine to give it another week…honestly, the next couple of weeks are packed socially between birthday parties and work events which will keep me quite busy…

In non-running news, Magnolia Bakery will be opening on the UWS in a few days!!! Forget about rehab…i will need cupcake intervention instead!!!

what i’ve learned in the last few days

a bullet point list…

• Cigna has the crappiest.network.ever. It took me several tries to find a PT that accepted my insurance. Next year I think I will spring for the extra $5 per paycheck and get the PPO plan. But nevertheless, with the help of a co-worker, I did find a PT and my first appointment is Wednesday. Wish me luck.
• Maybe I needed to have someone tell me not to run for 2 weeks. The calf pain has definitely subsided, most likely because I’ve been a good little girl and stuck to cross-training. I do still feel tightness there though-which will hopefully be nipped in the bud with some PT.
• Surprise, surprise, yoga is actually a great workout. I have been hesitant to try it, as I have done Pilates before and that had just bored me to tears-and I expected yoga to be more of the same. I did a couple of hatha yoga classes at NYSC in the last few days and they are actually more intense than I thought-I definitely had to work at it!! But I think this and spinning will keep me sane while on the running DL and even off the DL too!
• On the topic of spinning, my Flyer teammate SW teaches a kick-ass spinning class. She subbed today for one of the classes i usually take and didn’t disappoint. Highly recommended!
• But even though I’m getting into this cross-training, I’m still feeling out of the loop socially. Yeah, I got a little envious hearing about a great “run to food” that happened this past weekend. I know there will be other runs…but still, just because I can’t run right now doesn’t mean I want to be antisocial…I can still do non-running things…I dunno. I’m tired of feeling left out.
• How great has this season of The Amazing Race been? I can’t wait for next week’s finale…GO TK and Rachel!! (yeah, I like the nice teams)

Now if you excuse me, I think I need to make a prayer to the snow gods for a snow day tomorrow…or at the very least, a delayed opening 🙂

i knew i’d be next…

With so many of my Flyer friends having gone on the DL in the last year…I knew I was getting off too easy. I was wondering when the injury bug would bite me. Well bite it did, this week.

Things, running-wise were pretty decent…mileage was good, had a coupla recent fun runs (Midnight Run and this past Monday’s downtown run to beer!) and the weather was like April in January!! Then Tuesday…it happened. Nice evening, threw on my running shoes and shorts and headed to the park. While crossing CPW (with the green light)-there was a biker who was running the red light and waved at me to get out of the way or get hit-so i sprinted to get out of the street and felt a shooting pain and tightness in my left calf. There was no way I could run on it-so thank god I didn’t get far, I just walked home and Advil’ed and iced the calf, and the next day got on the phone to find a sports doc that would take me today. Don’t know if this was an isolated incident, or if there was an injury brewing and this sprint triggered it, I just knew I had to get it looked at sooner rather than later to minimize time on the DL, if any.

And the verdict? A calf strain-as I suspected. It seems that my left calf is still showing signs of my old injury-there’s still quite a bit of tightness there and my Achilles. So-running hiatus for 2 weeks, PT 2x a week for 6 weeks, stretch, possibly new orthotics (only if my insurance covers) and replace my current running shoes which, in his opinion, had too many miles on them (over 300.)

And funny enough-I’m actually not bummed out. I think in a way, if it had to happen-I’m glad it happened now and not during marathon mania season-as I think that’s what made dealing with my previous injury so hard. I can still cross-train, which is fine with me as there are several spin classes that I have grown to really like, and I think I will use this opportunity to do different things (e.g., swim, try out yoga.) Plus I think I have a much better support system now than I did 2 1/2 years ago-and I’m grateful for that.

And on that note, special shout out to the downtown crew-you all know who you are if you’re reading-when I sent a mass email asking for a doc recommendation, quite a few of them wasted no time in giving me recs and encouragement. Thanks guys, I really appreciate it. Hope to see you all back on the roads soon-but if not, definitely at the bar!! 😀

green light!!

Well I got some good news tonite at the doctor’s office. While still not 100% yet, the foot is definitely doing better, so I have the go-ahead to run the Marathon Kickoff 5-miler on Sunday-as long as I promise not to get all competitive-esque and race it. (No problem. My 5-mile PR is 37:51 on the same course-considering that sub-9’s feel like work these days, I don’t think my PR is in any danger of falling.) And I can actually run 3 days next week…yay. But Sunday should be fun, I’ll get to meet up with the Flyers afterwards for brunch (mmm…Bellinis!) after they run the last 10 miles of the marathon course.

But while the PF looks to be going away slowly with time, I’m not sure I have my fatigue problem kicked yet. I thought it was overtraining but now I’m not so sure. I did have bloodwork done earlier this year but all I got was “oh, there’s nothing wrong with you.” They didn’t even give me the exact results (numbers, etc.) Being that what’s normal for a non-athlete may not be normal for a runner…I’m thinking it may not hurt for me to get a second opinion and get re-tested while I’m really not in training for anything except to recover. Something to think about…

and of course, a day is not complete without a small-world encounter (finding out I went to college with a client of mine) and a missed connection on the subway. Dammit, why do I have to be so shy sometimes.

now playing: pump it ~ black eyed peas