i don’t wanna cry

This post title has been brought to you by some old-school Mariah Carey.  Yeah, the days of the “Best New Artist” Grammy, the days when she was banging Tommy Mottola…before she graduated to the likes of Derek Jeter (though doesnt he, to this day still deny it?) and Puff Daddy/Puffy/P. Diddy/whatever his name at the moment is…and of course, way, way before the career mistake known as “Glitter.”

Moving away from that for a second-no you’re not seeing things, the bloggy did get an Extreme Makeover over the weekend.  Yes since I’m not running, I have too much time on my hands, I know I know.  But also, my old-school template wouldn’t let me take advantage of any of the newer, cooler Blogger features & gadgets…and I guess after 3 years, was time for a change!!  Don’t like it?  Tough luck.  I’m keeping it.

So back to the title and what it has to do with everything?  Well the fact that I haven’t run a step since October 25th has something to do with it.  And if it were the winter OK maybe it wouldnt be so bad, but the fact that NYC has had 2 beautiful weather days in a row and I haven’t been able to enjoy it, have had to take it indoors.  And as I said before, I don’t mind cross-training too much, but I really have to enjoy it, and that took a hit when spinning was banned as the (sh)IT band didn’t seem to like it too much.  Yoga is fine and good, but the elliptical is just boring.  45 minutes on it yesterday and it felt like work!!  I really can’t believe how out of shape I’ve gotten in 2 weeks…not good šŸ˜¦

But it’s just I have had other things in my life lately that have either brought me to tears, or close to it…matters of the heart (i may be biased, but I don’t think I know anybody more unlucky in love than myself)…changes a-coming at the office (i will still have a job, but…things are happening where communication is shit, no real game plans in place except just “winging it”, attitudes flying, the wrong people IMHO being on the receiving end of it…long story, aint going into it here)  Yeah, I know having a coupla grain alcohol margaritas at a cool Murray Hill Mexican establishment with a cool friend can help šŸ˜‰ but I’ve learned after my infamous 9-day drinking streak that it’s (drinking, that is-not girl talk!) just a temporary escape.  I miss being able to lace up the Brooks or Asics and being able to hit Central Park for a few miles, listen to some cool music on the iPod, seeing everyone I know or not seeing anyone, but just being able to forget my troubles for a little bit…sans hangover šŸ™‚  And I think it’s really getting me down, cross-training doesn’t seem to be cutting it in that department.

Or I’ve read other blog posts about post-marathon depression…I think I dealt with it back in 2006…going from a high of a great first marathon back to reality which was a total mess.  Last year I don’t think I dealt with it but it does seem to be making a return appearance this year-and I didn’t even finish my marathon!  I’ll reiterate what I said in my previous post-I have finally come to terms with the events of October 25th-for whatever reason that I can’t comprehend just yet, it wasn’t meant to be.  But I want to look ahead, I do have a couple of races in mind for next year, but I just need this damn (sh)IT band to heal-not just for that, but for my overall sanity as well…

Well as the post title says, I don’t wanna cry, I want to be tough, I want to be strong, but sometimes there is only so much I can take.  And before anyone says it, I am aware things can be a lot worse.  But I just want to see that light at the end of the injury tunnel and all I see is dimness and uncertainity.  I don’t know what these next few weeks are gonna bring.  But I do hope that my next post title can sing a happier tune.

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7 thoughts on “i don’t wanna cry

  1. U r an amazing person, athlete, šŸ˜‰ , worker, etc.

  2. I can't help but quote an old Pat Benatar song"Fight It Out"

  3. Anonymous-if you are who i think you are-thank you. ;-)Kevin-i think my life can be summed up by song titles and lyric quotes these days! šŸ™‚

  4. Hang in there it will get better.

  5. Ok,here's one for you!Springsteen's "Tougher Than The Rest"And anotherPeter Gabriel& Kate Bush"Don't Give Up":)

  6. flygirl- there's no doubt in my mind that you'll BQ on the next one. The DC marathon is just one race. What's done is done. Dwelling on it and repeating on your performance won't make anything better. Move forward, heal up with the IT band to 100% and move on to another race. I wouldn't make it seem like everything is wrong with one race. On hindsight, just think about other runners out there who can't hit your goal pace no matter how hard they try. Hence next post, no more mentioning of the DC marathon :0) There's so many other things in life to dwell on šŸ˜‰

  7. I agree and if you go back and re-read, I do have a coupla races in mind for next year, the frustration is really more with the present and not being able to run than anything else and not so much the past…

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