ch-ch-changes

Yeah, I’ve been sorta MIA on the WWW for the last few days.  Why you ask?  Well I haven’t had computer access since Friday-except at the office, and that little thing called work has kept me too busy to blog and/or comment on blogs.  Hell, even with the CrackBerry, I’ve found it hard to keep up with things on Facebook…I’m sure I’m behind in my birthday greetings and other congrats.

Drama, you ask?  Well maybe.  Something that happened in the last few days (not going into it here-if you know me “off the blog” you can ask) has spearheaded an unexpected upcoming change-an apartment move.  Even though I love my neighborhood, it’s definitely time to move on from my apartment at the very least, for several reasons.  Though if I can find another place on the UWS, I wouldn’t cry or anything 🙂  So this is gonna be something to keep me quite busy for the next month or 2.  Here’s hoping it is a little easier and less stressful than when I was looking 7 years ago at this time…

As for running/Chi-town training…it’s still happening.  Not feeling too confident though.  My original plan for my long run this weekend was to do 10 miles before the NYRR Dash and Splash 10K (which I did actually sign up for to get pool access afterwards…plus its just the right thing to do) but due to a certain turn of events, a long run Saturday just wasn’t happening (though a short one did.)  I did get my 16 in on Sunday…but it was a struggle.  Was partially my fault for not getting out the door until 10 am, even though I had the alarm set.  But even with gels, gatorade, water (i did have my fuel belt on) I didn’t feel strong at all.  Starting with mile 9, I almost wanted to call it quits every mile, and my last few miles were over 10 minutes each so I was really hurting 😦   Was just a bad run-so bad that I was seriously considering adjusting my goals for Chicago.

And hopefully tonite’s 5K action will still go on as planned.  Whether it rains or not, I’m still running.  But knowing how flooded Hoboken streets get, methinks there may be a course “modification” or 2.  That’s ok…nothing wrong with running another short “5K” … 😛

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three minutes, fifteen seconds. or two years.

yep, I called it 6 months ago.  I knew I wouldn’t be a happy camper this weekend.   In fact, I feel like I’m having a flashback to some of the worst years of my life, which may explain things…

So basically, the title of my post refers to what is standing between me being in Boston this weekend preparing to run a marathon instead of being in NY and feeling very alone and left out.  I’m 3 minutes and 15 seconds away from a qualifying time (provided they don’t tighten the standards)…or if only I were 2 years older, my 3:44 in NYC 2008 would have gotten me to Boston this year.

And once again, a lot of my teammates and friends have made the trip, seemingly more and more of them each year.  I’m proud of them and hope they will-know they will-run well.  But I can’t help it, I’m still very jealous, especially knowing if only things went differently on October 25, 2009, I would have been there too.  And as I said a coupla years back:

In a way, I think I feel like the girl trying to get in to the “cool clique.” With their snazzy jackets, amazing athletic ability, admiration of so many, they’re the people you wanna be.

Yeah, I feel like I’m back in high school again.  Though when I was younger, I participated in sports like softball and cheerleading…there were no tryouts back then, and once you get to high school…all the spirit and enthusiasm in the world doesn’t mean a thing.  If you don’t have the athletic ability, you’re SOL.  And I guess thats why I never tried out for anything-how would I expect to not get rejected when I get picked last for teams in gym class and are one of the last in the class to finish the mandatory annual mile run?  Why set myself up for more failure?

And I think I want…I need to prove to the world that I’m not that girl anymore.  And I feel only a BQ would do that.  I’m a realist-I’ll never run a sub-20 5K, or a sub-1:30 half.  For those on the outside of our inner running circle, my PRs are not that impressive.  There’s no 5K, 10K, half-marathon, etc. equivalent of a BQ.  But if only I could run a BQ marathon…it would just be such a huge monkey off my back.  And in a way, I’d feel accepted.  I guess it’s hard to explain.

Tomorrow?  I’ll be racing 4 miles.  It may not be my day.  Or I may run my best 4-mile race ever.  But even if I have the race of my life tomorrow…I know it will still slip by unnoticed.  Because of what it’s not.

That all said-I do wish everyone running on Monday the best of luck!  You all worked hard for this-and you know I’ll be following every 5K split of yours online 🙂

running more forgiving than life sometimes…

so, the baby bro finally broke down and joined Facebook (though he swore up and down that he never will.) and i was shocked to find on his friends list…was the Ex-Boyfriend. (and apparently the Ex found baby bro via the “email friend finder”…meaning they must still keep in touch. why my brother keeps in touch with someone i broke up with 8 years ago, i will never understand…) So yeah, I had to sneak a peek at his friends list…which of course included his wife…and some other peeps I remember from college, some with their shiny married names, others with their babies as their profile picture…

and it’s not just that, it seems whenever i browse the listings of people I graduated high school and college with, that’s all I see-peeps with married names, or either their babies or wedding photos as their profile picture. And I think “my god, that’s so many…what’s wrong with me that I’m just not there yet?” Yeah, no matter how much I may have accomplished so far, there’s a part of me that really feels like a loser that I haven’t settled down and started a family yet. I turn 32 in a month, it’s not like I have all the time in the world…

Then I get to thinking…ya know, we have runners in their late 30s winning Olympic marathons-as was the case this past weekend. Some runners run some of their best times as a masters or vet runner, in fact we’re told that improvement comes with time, especially in the marathon. Qualification standards are made easier for us, the older we get (at least for Boston and NYC.) Running is a sport, a way of life that seems so much more forgiving than…well, real life. There’s no “hurry up and do something by a certain time” (well, unless you’re trying to achieve Olympic qualifying standards, but that ain’t me!) Older runners are admired for their accomplishments, not looked down on. Guess in the race of life, I will always be trying to keep up, but maybe in this race, I’ll have more of a chance of winning…

too tired to think of a title

but just felt like writing down my random thoughts before i forgot…

  • purple running tights are a major fashion don’t. on that note, purple head-to-toe is a major running fashion don’t. The Barney look hasn’t been in style since…has the Barney look ever been in style??
  • it is never a good idea to laugh and make fun of runners. because, ya know…you could be some dude dressed up in green in the midst of st. patricks day. and in your drunken stupor, drop your phone and wouldn’t you know it…one of those runners you made fun of found the phone and graciously returned it to its rightful owner.
  • it truly sucks to tell someone something in confidence, and then find out that information is used as ammunition at another time.
  • it sucks more for the other people who unfortunately took the brunt of the abovementioned.
  • but sometimes, a rave review pops up when you least expect it.
  • sometimes the phrase “hope for the best, expect the worst” makes sense.
  • and yes, i am being cryptic. for a reason 😉