three minutes, fifteen seconds. or two years.

yep, I called it 6 months ago.  I knew I wouldn’t be a happy camper this weekend.   In fact, I feel like I’m having a flashback to some of the worst years of my life, which may explain things…

So basically, the title of my post refers to what is standing between me being in Boston this weekend preparing to run a marathon instead of being in NY and feeling very alone and left out.  I’m 3 minutes and 15 seconds away from a qualifying time (provided they don’t tighten the standards)…or if only I were 2 years older, my 3:44 in NYC 2008 would have gotten me to Boston this year.

And once again, a lot of my teammates and friends have made the trip, seemingly more and more of them each year.  I’m proud of them and hope they will-know they will-run well.  But I can’t help it, I’m still very jealous, especially knowing if only things went differently on October 25, 2009, I would have been there too.  And as I said a coupla years back:

In a way, I think I feel like the girl trying to get in to the “cool clique.” With their snazzy jackets, amazing athletic ability, admiration of so many, they’re the people you wanna be.

Yeah, I feel like I’m back in high school again.  Though when I was younger, I participated in sports like softball and cheerleading…there were no tryouts back then, and once you get to high school…all the spirit and enthusiasm in the world doesn’t mean a thing.  If you don’t have the athletic ability, you’re SOL.  And I guess thats why I never tried out for anything-how would I expect to not get rejected when I get picked last for teams in gym class and are one of the last in the class to finish the mandatory annual mile run?  Why set myself up for more failure?

And I think I want…I need to prove to the world that I’m not that girl anymore.  And I feel only a BQ would do that.  I’m a realist-I’ll never run a sub-20 5K, or a sub-1:30 half.  For those on the outside of our inner running circle, my PRs are not that impressive.  There’s no 5K, 10K, half-marathon, etc. equivalent of a BQ.  But if only I could run a BQ marathon…it would just be such a huge monkey off my back.  And in a way, I’d feel accepted.  I guess it’s hard to explain.

Tomorrow?  I’ll be racing 4 miles.  It may not be my day.  Or I may run my best 4-mile race ever.  But even if I have the race of my life tomorrow…I know it will still slip by unnoticed.  Because of what it’s not.

That all said-I do wish everyone running on Monday the best of luck!  You all worked hard for this-and you know I’ll be following every 5K split of yours online 🙂

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13 thoughts on “three minutes, fifteen seconds. or two years.

  1. Awww girl I’m sorry you’re feeling so frustrated 😦 I know what you mean about being happy for but jealous of people at the same time. Hang in there. 😦

  2. If the sun only shone in Boston there’d be a LOT of road runners w/out a sun tan believe me!
    Your time will come trust me,and when it does you’ll appreciate it even more given that you had to wait for it,of this I’m sure.
    The mass has ended,go in peace….and kick butt at the 4 miler tomorrow…..and remember this,there will be runners in Boston on Monday who will have a bad day and sadly some who’ll dnf…..and they’ll wish they could’ve traded places w/ you running a 4 miler in NYC

    • You wouldn’t be the first to tell me that if/when it is my time, it will be sweeter because of all the hurdles jumped over to get there (ahh running analogies 😛 )

      I may or may not have used this to my advantage at the 4-miler this morning 😉

      • For what’s worth, it took me 5 1/2 years from my marathon debut in 85 to run Boston in 91,inbetween were 2 sub par marathons a few years away from running b4 a 3.06 in NYC and then a then pr 2.54 in Beantown it was sweet and I for one would love to be in Chicago in October when you nail down your Boston Quallifier,in running as in life anything worth having is worth waiting for.

  3. As one of your race day friends here in Boston I will come right out and say it – you are an amazing runner and an even better person – BQ time or no BQ time, you are doing what you love and doing it in an amazing way.

    Less than 1% of the population will ever even attempt the 26 mile 385 mental and physical test(s) that are the marathon. You’re already one of the “cool kids” – jacket be damned.

    (That said, it is pretty damn cool here and I can’t wait to race tomorrow!) – You can and you will get here – I am certain of it.

    Have a great time this weekend, and thanks for all of the visits, kind words and support over on Run for Dom – you are the greatest.

    Best from Boston,

    Joe

    • Thanks for your comment and the kind words-I appreciate it. I’ve said before that sometimes it feels like the work you put in to get there kinds gets lost when we’re all too wrapped up in finish times. I guess this is another example of it. Best of luck tomorrow-kill the course 🙂

  4. Great post. Keep your chin up. All the seeming “rejection” you feel now will be that much sweeter when you are at the 2011 starting line in Hopkington.

  5. awww, i wish you didn’t feel that way about boston. you have plenty to be proud of and you will only continue to get better. i think most runners know and appreciate the hard work and effort that go into a training season, whether or not it lands you with a BQ. but i see boston in your future — just keep doing what you’re doing!

  6. I feel like I have to come here every year to tell you this but B.Q. is a goal just like any other goal so try to keep it in perspective because they are so so many people that can’t even come close. You know you’ll get there, it’s just a matter of time, so why sweat the details? Enjoy your runs, enjoy your races, and don’t beat yourself up for something that’s inevitably going to happen.

    To be brutally honest, I enjoyed my running more before I BQ’d than after it…and I can count on my one hand how many times I’ve worn my Boston Marathon jacket…just sayin’

    Congrats on your race today, nyflygirl! You’ve been inspiring a lot of people so don’t lose sight of that =)

  7. I’m catching up on blogs and just read this one. Trust me, it’s coming and as someone who just finally got over that hump, it is really sweet. If it were easy, everyone would BQ. Keep your chin up and lace up those shoes – get ready for the 2010 adventure. I think it’s looking pretty good.

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