So someone in my division is leaving the company, and yesterday we get an email that they are ordering in dessert today to “celebrate” his departure…or something like that. And instead of thinking “yay! sweets!”, i’m thinking “i’m running a 5K tonite. I don’t really want to indulge. Not to mention that i am in the midst of marathon training. How can I refuse eating without seeming rude?”
And it’s not just today, but it is something that has come up in the past and that I had wanted to blog about but for whatever reason, hadn’t. During marathon training…and even when I’m not…I feel like I have to pick and choose my indulgences. And sometimes it’s tough in group situations, like work lunches and birthdays. I’ll occasionally indulge when there is something I really love on the dessert menu, but most of the time I’m happy to just get fruit sorbet (which I do like) and avoid the guilty feeling. But I still get the comments because I don’t share it and I don’t want a taste of what others ordered. Or I get comments that it’s borderline rude to not partake in whatever cake or dessert someone brought in for someone else’s b-day…even when it’s something I’m not crazy about. Why do I get criticized for wanting to take care of myself?
And September is a tough month for this, between the jewish holidays and my b-day and others this month…but it’s not just now, I feel like I struggle with this year-round (e.g., if I’m worried that i can’t fit into my dress for the awards party because I’m not marathon training and therefore “slacking off”), that I can’t afford to treat myself. And that’s when the mental demons come in. “I’m not thin enough. I look so fat next to my skinny teammates, i want this picture taken off the Flyers website. Those people say that I don’t have to worry about what I eat because I run? They don’t know, I don’t have their speedy metabolisms…” and so on.
And isn’t running supposed to be a “healthy” lifestyle of sorts? Who knows. I will admit, I do deal with my body image issues better now than I did 10 or so years ago (i think the fact that I was comfortable enough to do the Underwear Run was a step in that direction), but I don’t think this is something that will ever completely go away…
Moving on-yeah I mentioned a 5K tonite-really only doing for fun and for the post-race party. I’m sorta training through it as I am not tapered. In the 7-day period between last Wednesday and this Tuesday, I ran 54 miles! Needless to say, yesterday was a running rest day. But nevertheless, my only goal is to just not completely embarass myself with my time. And hopefully finish in the top half of the women (small race and I think a lot of the fast local women will be out.) And finish before they run out of post-race beer. (I budgeted this as my “indulgence” for the day 😛 )