splitting the difference-sort of

Well I figured out a compromise to my December 31st/January 1st query in my last post. I figured whatever mileage I ran to warm up can count for 12/31, then the run itself can count for 1/1. There-a little something for each day.

Yes, it really was 18 degrees. No, it wasn’t as bad as it may have sounded. Just had to layer right (running skirt over tights is a great cold-weather idea!) and was grateful for the hats we got in the swag bag this year (makes up for the ugly green shirt.) Plus I ran to the start to warm up that way. Surprisingly, saw no Flyers around. I know both that I was tentatively supposed to meet up with for the run decided to bail due to the cold…but figured there would be others. (Or am I the only crazy vain person who has to worry about fitting into her clothes?) Thanks to my trusty wireless communication device, I found out there were a few en route from the east side, but as midnight got closer I was getting too cold just standing around, and wanted to get a decent starting position so I could start running as soon as possible.
pic courtesy of moz-that's me next to him holding the champagne bottle
So I wandered over to the start and squeezed in as close to the front as possible which actually wasnt so close. And small world-there was a guy who recognized me from last year’s Need for Speed-apparently we both were supposed to run leg 9 when we got the announcement that the race was canceled. (though surprised he recognized me-after all I had a lot of clothing on now and back then I had, uh, much less on.) Unfortunately, he was running with a girl-probably a girlfriend (of course this always happens to me.)

So blah blah blah, its midnight, happy new year, fireworks go off. Cross the start within 2 minutes. And even though I didn’t race this, I didn’t exactly take it easy either…the quicker I run, the quicker I finish. And that first mile included a bit of crowding too!! Didn’t even bother stopping for “champagne” at the 2-mile point, as I carried my own in my water bottle (would you expect anything less?) At the beginning of mile 4, I spotted Moz and shouted at him. I picked up the pace a little, wanting to be done and taking advantage of the downhill. And done I was, in 33 and change minutes. Sorta uneventful, but it was 4 miles in the books for 2009. Saw Moz and some of his TRD teammates near the finish, posed for a coupla pics, chatted for a few minutes and then I wanted to get home and get inside. So that’s how I started off 2009…not really with a bang.

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And now, some venting, if you don’t want to read-please press the back button immediately. If not, hey dont say I didn’t warn you.

I swear, what is it about New Year’s Eve that always seems to accentuate how lonely I am? The fact that once again, I had no one special in my life to share last night with, to kiss at midnight, to run with me last night…it just brought to mind that even though I did have running-related successes in 2008, I failed miserably at something more important-the boyfriend department. And the fact that I had to defend to my mom on the phone yesterday why I was still doing the run when it was cold out, why I didn’t get invited to any NYE parties, why I have to do things by myself…yeah, you can understand why I was crying by the time I got off the phone. Seriously, is it my fault that all my friends are in relationships and I’m left out in the cold? I’m sick of her and others saying “oh you never know, you’ll find someone…” I call BS on that. It’s easy to say that when you were married with 2 kids when you were my age-they don’t know what it’s like, how hard it is. I’m realistic, I know I don’t have too many good years left-and at this point, I only see a guy being interested in me if he isn’t looking to start a family-because at my age, I don’t know what my options are. And believe me, again, it’s not that I’m not trying…I guess all in all, I really feel like I’m “on the outs.” And I swore to myself years ago I wouldn’t let myself be in this situation again, feeling like the only single person…

Yeah I know, I ran a great marathon, I had a good running year, etc…but what did I ultimately sacrifice for that? And if I want to qualify for Boston this year…do I need to sacrifice that again? So confused…(or maybe I need to stop watching Sex and the City…)

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8 thoughts on “splitting the difference-sort of

  1. I know I’m seeing someone right now, but I still know what you mean about feeling like you need to do things by yourself. Boyfriend works crazy hours, so even though I have him, I’m still spending a lot of time by myself. One of my goals for 2009 is to try to organize and host events for friends, in hopes that it will help to relieve those feelings of loneliness I sometimes get. We’ll see if it works…Also, I THOROUGHLY disagree with the idea that you “only have a few good years left.” You are such a vibrant and active person and I think you will have many good years for a long time to come 🙂

  2. First – I offer you a hug – I’ve been there, and it can feel awful. But when you can, stop trashing yourself and your life and think about the things you have, and the things you’ve achieved. These are great things!I would suggest that it’s time to stop waiting for things to happen and time to start living your life as it is, whatever that may be. You seem to be waiting for something to happen before you can have a life. Maybe this is your life, and so rather than trashing it, you’d serve yourself better by thinking about what’s fabulous about it. It’s like waiting for a bus…if it doesn’t come, will you continue waiting? or just start walking to your destination? It’s the ‘not waiting’ that will make you a much more interesting person to those who are actually worth attracting. I recommend this site – although it is directed to people who have just had a breakup, the suggestions for changing your mindset may be very helpful to you. To find the right person, you first need to be the right person.http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2008/12/23/to-be-the-right-person-ii/#more-2258 Finally, you need to stand up to your family and tell them to shut it. Your mother is not being helpful at all. And if you can’t do that and you really can’t get past your desire for a relationship – I suggest moving out of NYC – men suck here 😉

  3. Fly Girl, chin up…you seem too vibrant, powerful and awesome to fall into the “missing piece” trap. If you haven’t you should check out Shel Silverstein’s book “the missing piece.” A BF doesn’t complete or make you who you are, you are already that.I only know you from reading what you share with everyone here on the blog, but it is obvious that you are very cool with lots to offer anyone in friendship or otherwise.Relax, the best years are yet to come, seriously…Happy New Year!Vato

  4. You’re definitely not alone. I just said nearly the same thing to Laura! At least you’re hotter and faster than me ;-). My resolution run was only 41:11. What gives with the 4 mile run anyways? Like why isn’t a 5K or 10K or something like kind of “normal?”Glad Laura “bloggingtroduced” us. Happy 2009. Don’t call your mother ;-). Mine gives me the same crap too by the way. Except she’s jumped right to the “don’t you want to make me grandbabies” bull-crud. Ya. Cart. Horse. Not so much.

  5. Hey, seriously…be good to yourself. You’ll find the boy when he comes, he will come and no worries. You have so much as you said that you should be proud of and you should continue to be proud of for 2008…continue and you will get there to BQ…There is sacrifice in running, long hours, long runs and understanding…it’s what you make out of it and communication. Be well to yourself, understand and change things up…Be truthful and be yourself…that’s all you have to offer so use it…time will ocme.

  6. What gives with the 4 mile run anyways? Like why isn’t a 5K or 10K or something like kind of “normal?”For most of its history, the NYRRC Midnight Run was 5 miles. Then, a few years ago, it was turned into a 5K to give more people (read: more “non-runners”) an incentive to run it. But, in the absence of a 5K loop, the course was an out-and-back. You can imagine the traffic carnage that caused!And 10K is simply much more than most non-runners, particularly drunk ones, can imagine finishing.Another piece of trivia: Back in the old days when it was a 5-miler, the course was an out-and-back. But there were also much fewer entrants than there are these days. You really need the width of the entire roadway to accomodate the current crowds. Therefore it’s necessarily a loop course nowadays.

  7. You are going to have no trouble finding love. Beautiful face, memorable hair, lyrical smile, athletic, young, evidently smart, poetically self-deprecating… there is no doubt. Chin up: keep running, smiling.

  8. thanks all. I’m feeling better now, I think I needed a few days to “cool off” so to speak…

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