party of one

I had picked up this week’s “Singles Issue” of Time Out New York, and was intrigued by this article. It kinda conjured up memories of my San Francisco trip, where people seemed surprised that I was dining by myself. (I was there solo for the last coupla days of my trip…) Or when people said to me “you’re so brave” if I go to a bar or party solo, sans wing-people.

In a way, I don’t get what the big deal is. There are times when it’s nice to call the shots as to what you want to eat/drink…or if you meet someone, you don’t have to worry as much about abandoning a friend…hell, there have been a couple of times where I just wanted to go sit at the bar, have a drink to toast myself/chase off an uncomfortable happy hour/just for the hell of it. And it’s nice during the spring/summer to sit outside at a wine bar, sip a glass and read a magazine/people-watch. And what I have heard before, is that guys are more likely to approach a girl who’s solo than try and infiltrate a group of girls.

But on the flip side…I do feel a little self-conscious, like they’re all thinking “she’s here solo, what’s wrong with her.” (Never mind that they probably don’t know that I just didn’t feel like staying at home because everyone else was either with spending time with significant others/out on “date night”/just not feeling a night out/don’t like the suggested scene or venue.)

Maybe I’m making too big a deal of this, but I thought this was good blog material 🙂 And would be interested to hear other thoughts!!

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7 thoughts on “party of one

  1. None of this surprises me. I think it’s confidence. And people find that intriguing.

  2. Don’t be self conscious – hanging out by yourself can be freeing at times. It can be a little weird at first, but if you are comfortable with it then don’t worry about what others think. I’ve traveled a couple times by myself (to San Fran and Montreal) and you become adept at just starting up conversations with the people next to you.

  3. When I was younger, in my 20s, I used to have a very hard time eating a meal in a restaurant by myself. It was all a matter of confidence. Then I got more comfortable with it, but for some reason dinner on my own felt awkward. I took some vacations alone and got more used to it, and then when I moved to NYC — the city where you can be as anonymous as you want to — I became a pro at going out alone. The one thing I haven’t ever gotten comfortable with is going out to a bar alone; I don’t know about men’s experiences doing the same, but as a woman who has sat solo on many a barstool for 20 or 30 minutes, waiting for a late-arriving friend, I’ve been approached by lots of guys who seem to think I need to be rescued. Or maybe it’s just less intimidating for a man to approach a solitary woman than it is to approach women in groups or pairs.At any rate, there’s nothing wrong with going out alone, and anyone who thinks so is likely not comfortable with his or her own company.

  4. R26-kinda like a certain time last year at the boat basin when a certain someone approached 2 guys randomly? :-pjb24-i did find that starting conversations while on vacay was easier…at the giants game, at a couple of bars…I think I had the “new york city” intrigue or something :)BCG-it’s actually the opposite for me…I feel *less* anonymous in NYC!! It’s the whole “NYC is a big city, but very small world” thing…

  5. I get really scared to eat alone, and now that I’m a traveling consultant (like Rosita!) I basically have to do it. I opted to pick up food at nice restaurants in Boston (made me feel ballsy to get takeout at a 4 star establishment), and bring it back to the hotel. Maybe this week I’ll get brave – it would be great to meet a nice guy!

  6. Yeah, it is a matter of confidence. There are bars I feel fine sitting in by myself, but other times it’s weird. And yup, guys are def. more likely to approach someone who is alone. If someone is engaged in conversation with their friend, I sorta feel it’s rude to interrupt. Whether someone is intimidating or not kinda depends on their focus though … it’s probably more intimidating to approach one woman sitting alone doing the crossword than two outward-directed girls sitting at the bar. Does that makes any sense?Plus, the bar is just lower. If she’s alone, you just have to be more interesting than people-watching. But if someone’s with a pal, you need to be more interesting than whatever conversation she was having, maybe with a friend she hasn’t seen in ages. Plus you need to entertain two women, not just one, which makes it trickier to build a connection with either one.At least that is my take.

  7. I always eat out solo when I travel on business. After getting over being self conscious it is a great way to observe the process, befriend a bartender and enjoy a great meal with pleasurable company.check out my new blog:neverquitneverstop.blogspot.com

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