broken.

ugh. another day, another crap race.

Since NYRR assumes that everyone in the NYC area is doing the marathon (and therefore no need for short races in October)-and in an effort to do a race that doesn’t deal with the Central Park hills-I decided to run a 5K near my NJ hometown. I ran this 3 years ago, weather was perfect (though a little windy,) the course was flat, I ran a PR (22:37) and placed 2nd in my age group. I thought it was a great race and wanted to do it again-but couldnt in 2005 (injury) and 2006 (marathon.) Well here was my chance. But a lot changes in 3 years…

First, the weather. This freakishly hot fall was continuing and I felt it even during my warm-up. Considering how affected I am by the heat, it didn’t look good. This race was not chip-timed, and there were no pace markers by the start so it was sort of a free-for-all. I managed to get a decent spot-before anyone says it, yeah, maybe I didn’t deserve to be up close (in the first couple of rows) but there were people ahead of me who had less of a place being there. Spoiled by chip technology, I guess…Anyway, the horn goes off and we’re running. The first mile is pretty flat and clocked in at 7:43…not bad but a little bit slower than I wanted…

Here was a change that was not for the better. Near the end of mile 2, there was a very annoying hill-it was short but it still was enough to effect us-kind of reminded me of mile 13 of the Queens half!! And it definitely took its toll as mile 2 was 8:24. And it was really getting hot…the course had little to no shade. (The fact that the race started at 11:15 didnt exactly help…)

So I had to average 7:52 or better for the last 1.1 to at least break an 8-minute pace…easy enough, right? The race ended on a long straightaway where I could see the finish line in the distance. I tried picking up the pace…but just. could not. get. there. I was quite surprised at the last 1.1 miles being 8:51 (hate it when there is no mile 3 marker) and my final time was 24:58. Didn’t even break an 8-minute pace. So disappointed. And to add insult to injury, I didn’t even place in my age group, I was one place out of it.

A friend said to me “It’s okay to feel disappointed, but it’s not okay to feel broken. Broken is when you give up.” I haven’t given up-but I do feel broken. Basically-this past winter broke me. I feel like a pale shadow of what I used to be, and no matter how hard I try, or what I do, I can’t fix the problem. I had 1 decent race this year…so what? Does this mean I can only run well when it’s 50 degrees and I am 3,000 miles from home? I don’t know. I’m just feeling so lost and confused now.

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2 thoughts on “broken.

  1. Let’s get married. We’d be a broken home. Ha. But argh. 😦 I can relate… We’re getting drunk together on the 4th, right? 🙂

  2. thanks for humoring me :)and i am starting before the 4th…

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