while that topic seemed to be concerned more with casual dating-i think-i’m more wondering about when things get more serious. mind you, i have not been in a long-term relationship in 5 years (yeah, yeah, i know.)
both my serious boyfriends didn’t really involve “dating” at all-they both stemmed from the fact that we were friends first. so in terms of paying for things, for the most part we split things, unless it was the kind of thing that warranted one paying for both of us (e.g., b-days, celebrating things like a new job.)
i really didn’t think twice about it-i figured it was pretty much normal. but in the last few months with the 2nd boyfriend, a friend and i were having a conversation…
friend: “yeah, one thing i noticed…he never took you out.”
me: “what do you mean? yes he did”
friend: “but he never paid for you…my boyfriend always pays for me”
me: “but i do outearn him-i wouldn’t expect him to always pay for me if that is the case-that isn’t right.”
friend: “but i outearn my boyfriend and he always pays for me”
now i ain’t saying i’m a gold digger (sorry couldn’t resist that line. gotta love kanye west. i’m definitely NOT a gold digger!)
but seriously i sorta let that one go, but kept my eyes open when we double-dated with other friends of mine and his and noted that for the most part, we were the only couple splitting our portion of the check. was i being taken advantage of, or was this normal?
i thought by that time…if you’re together for multiple years…you’re equal partners in the relationship and experiences you share, expenses should be shared. and on a side note, i love things like my Starbucks lattes and i’m into my fashion, but those are expenses that are completely my responsibility-kinda like my “luxuries.”
it may be all in my head, but sometimes i feel like there is a little bit of a “caste system” when it comes to dating in nyc. all i know is i hate when i get asked things like “how much do you pay in rent” on a first date. i don’t like feeling like i’m being judged by my bank account.
(also FWIW, if any of you remember a post from last month where i made reference to a date where the guy made a point of saying “can i buy you a drink”-he only lasted one date, i knew it wasn’t gonna work-guess my intuition was right. there are certain things that money definitely can’t buy…)